The Cheese Grater

Dear whom who reads this,

I'm writing you this letter from the kitchen of my master. I'm a cheese grater. My body is square and has holes through it. On top of every hole, there placed a blade that is used to cut and shape up the cheese. With my body, the cheese that is swiped through me will turn into pieces depending on which side of my body my master uses.

There is a side that I call the angel hair side where the pieces grated are long and thin, very thin. Those fine cuts can only be made in heaven because only the Lord have the skill in cutting like that. It's so thin, it's like the blood vessels of my master but it wouldn't be nice to name it blood vessel side. Thus, I name it angel hair.

Then there is the lazy side.This side grates the cheese into big chunks. My master uses this side when she doesn't feel like having fine cuts. She either has not the time or she is just too lazy to make angel hair. Angel hair takes time you know. Since we have to summon the Lord down to earth first before creating her.

Then there is the misshapen side. In order to show her some respect, I name her Ms. Shapen. The cut it makes are always different shaped. I heard my master discussed this side of my body with his cousin Liam. He theorized on how my manufacturer was feeling a little bit artsy when designing this side. That explains why there are different styles of blades on this side of my body. The problem is that instead of creating beautiful state-of-the-art cheese shapes, it's fruit are actually ugly. My master never used this side. That's why the blades are still very sharp unlike angel hair and lazy. Sometimes when she feels very upset, she will cut my master's finger a little. That's the punishment for never using Ms. Shapen.

The last side I have is the paper cutter side. It only has one hole that is long like the mouth of a mail box. The cheese that goes through it will come out like papers! My master uses this side when she doesn't have much cheese in her storage. The thin slices will create the illusion as if it is a nice huge size of cheese. Although it is actually very thin, and stingy..

So that is my story, sweet reader. I think I might write you another letter from the recycling centre in Oldtown when my master drops me there because me blades are no more sharp and me body is no more stainless. One thing you should remember, the term 'stainless steel' is just a lie!! Remarkable isn't it. I overheard my manufacturer confessed this with his dear friend over beer at the workshop.



Until then, take care.



Cheesia Gratia







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